It is my sister’s fault.

She bought my daugher her first pair of Webkinz pets. “Sure,” I casually said when she asked if I thought it was a good idea. Now, I doubt there is anyone with little kids out there (mine are 7 and 5 respectively) who doesn’t know what a Webkinz is, but just in case… You buy a stuffed animal. The animal has a code on the tag. You go the the Webkinz website, enter the code and “adopt” your animal. Your child can then (via their newly adopted pet) play online games, make friends, go to work, feed and buy stuff with virtual Webkinz money called KinzCash. They start you out with a hefty dollar balance in the beginning.

It was all fine.

My daughter got started with her two new puppies. For arguments’ sake, let’s just call them Spanky and Stinky. We promptly set Stinky and Spanky up in their online house and bought them furniture and clothes (can’t be naked or homeless in Webkinz World for criminey Pete!)

It wasn’t long before my son got into it and we needed to purchase him his own pet. A red-eyed tree frog named, say Bumpy. Bumpy, Stinky and Spanky got along swimmingly well. My children were good for at least an hour of Utopian sibling harmony as they painted fences, delivered newspapers, worked at the local Webkinz Diner, solved pattern puzzles like “Goober’s Lab” and “Cash Cow” (not to be confused with Cash Cow2). They happily built their KinzCash bank accounts. They challenged each other to Rock, Paper, Scissor and Battleship tournaments. They furnished their houses. They treated their pets to lavish dinners. They bought Halloween costumes and went virtual trick or treating. It was sunshine and roses, happy joy!

Until the KinzCash ran out.

They asked for help. Fine, I thought. No problem. I’ll just get on there with them and solve some of the games/puzzles quickly to get them more KinzCash, then I’ll get out.

That was the plan. I realize now that I was merely enabling them (or maybe they were enabling me…I don’t yet have enough distance to know which). But, it was always more, more, MORE! Bumpy needs a new stove. We have to plant a garden, get an in-ground pool, a trampoline…Stinky wants to go to Art School.

Things got really bad one weekend when my husband called home. He was on his way back from a hunting trip and stopped at a Cracker Barrel. “They have those Webkinz things here. I thought that’d make a good souvenir. What do you think? What about a tiger and another frog?”

“Sure.” That’s what I said. I was thinking more along the lines of, Crap! Ok. We’ll need a bigger Webkinz Kitchen. Right now we can only seat four. We’ll just have to build a new one. It’ll be pricey, but worth it. We’ll convert the old kitchen into a guest room. Now Stinky and Spanky will have a place to sleep when they spend the night at Bumpy’s.

My kids were excited about the remodeling plans and we went to the Webkinz shop to scope supplies before Daddy got home. I logged on with my son. We were debating whether to put in a wood vs. vinyl tile virtual floor. I’d learned that the boy needed help with his decor choices. Left to his own devices, he’d decorate Bumpy’s house like his Dad’s college apartment. Bean bags, a leather recliner next to striped rattan patio furniture…posters of dogs playing poker…

I did a double take when Bumpy’s avatar finally loaded. $32! How does he only have $32??? There was over $3,000 in there yesterday!

“What have you been spending your money on?”

“Just some stuff I wanted,” he shrugged me off. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes.

“What stuff?” KinzCrack? Hookers?

Before he could grab the mouse, I clicked in to Bumpy’s room. If he’d indulged in seedier vices, the frog had cleaned up after himself. As it was, the green guy practically tripped over six leapfrog end tables, four decorative pirate ship wheels, FIVE GUITARS!!!

“Honey,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. “What about your new kitchen? We can’t afford it now.” (I tried not to think of how long it took me to make it to level 15 of Goober’s Lab just so we’d have enough money for our existing fridge.)

“I want that stuff!” He almost yelled it, clearly sensing my mood. “I want it. I want it ALL!”

I pushed myself away from the keyboard. I let go. “Ok, but you’re on your own this time. I can’t play anymore Cash Cow.” (Even as I sit here, I can still see those little pastel bottlecaps if I close my eyes.) “Just…just make sure to keep spinning the Wheel of Wow to get your daily prize. You have to do it every day. Your pets…they don’t love themselves y’know.”

“I know, Mom,” he answered. “I know.”

I walked away. It’s been a few days since I’ve been in there. But, I’ve heard reports from my daughter that Bumpy and his new frog friend are doing okay. They take their meals in lawn chairs over a gray cement floor, but they have each other…and five guitars.

Next time people, please just buy the kids an ACTUAL puppy!

Love, Robin