Befrazzled’s How-To Guide…To Ripping Teeth Out of Your Child’s Head
Ok, let me start off with an apology. I realize I let my legions of fans fan down by not live blogging idol last night. My planets just did not align properly and before I knew it, it was Wednesday afternoon and we were already on predicting tonight’s episode of Lost.
Anyway, today I bring you what I hope to make another regular feature on Befrazzled. I decided to combine my talents of winging it and seeing what sticks ingenuity with my worse than subpar, seriously, I think I got a D in 8th grade art class artistic abilities and bring you a why in the world would anyone listen to what I say handy how-to guide.
Big Day in the Dec household. Loose top front tooth on my son. It’s been hanging on for a couple of weeks now. Everyone and their brother (seriously, my husband has 47 brothers…I’m not kidding) has weighed in with the best way to help that tooth along. Last year, we scored the double bogie of losing a tooth on the night before Easter. Yep, the bunny and the fairy rendevouzed at our house. It was a smack down, but the fairy came out on top. She has the benefit of opposable thumbs, after all. Plus…those long bunny ears just scream, “yank me!” Turns out the Easter Bunny is a bit of a pansy.
I digress. So, after years of dealing with loose teeth and helpful advice from friends and family, I’ve compiled my data and have come up with the following sure-fire method for major drama, crying, and general hysterics quick and painless baby tooth removal.
First, I highly recommend your child actually HAS a loose tooth before you begin this process. Luckily, mine did. The only tool we require is a dry paper towel. Next, we do this…
Next, we do this (Note: I realize Fig. 2 and Fig. 4 are missing. I misnumbered them and by now had already spent an obscene amount of time on this project.)
Usually at this point, everybody and their 47 brothers (see above) begins calling us and offering these helpful suggestions for how to proceed.
…or… 
…. and finally…
By this point, my son figures out that if he allows the “adults” to continue with this line of reasoning, he might never be able to enjoy a Happy Meal again. So, he quietly walks into the bathroom with his paper towel. After a few minutes, he comes out looking like this:
And there you have it. I’ll keep you updated on whether he does better by the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy in terms of cash haul. I’ll now open the floor to my blogger buddies for more helpful tips that I can incorporate to improve this tutorial (i.e., string tied around a door knob, pick-up truck, 747?)
*******************BREAKING NEWS ALERT **************BLOG UPDATE*****************************
Because the above method worked so well, the other top tooth got bold (and extra wiggly). About 2 hours after I posted, the boy looked like this.
Robin
Gee, I don’t know … I imagine you’d not considered an insurance-covered trip to, like, a dentist … or anything like that …
My kids were always left to remove their own via lots of wiggling it with the tip of their tongue. We just kept the area swabbed in Anbesol and they were fine.
Comment by LunaPierCook — March 20, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
No way. We’re old school down here in south county. I just gave him a cold wet rag after it was all over. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure where he put that thing (the rag…the red-tipped glistening tooth is sitting on the kitchen cubboard).
Comment by Robin Dec — March 20, 2008 @ 12:55 pm
apples always work for the front teeth. A nice big bite and out it comes. Make sure to use a red one–then the blood blends in with the rest of the apple. For molars, it’s bubble gum–lots and lots of bubble gum. When I was a kid, you could get bubble gum in a container shaped like a tooth. After you used the bubble gum to extract the tooth, the container became the optimal (and obvious) storage unit.
To staunch the bleeding, have the kid suck on a wet tea bag (I learned this from the dentist when my eldest knocked his top 2 teeth out at the age of 4). Mom needs to suck on a large martini or marguerita.
BTW–I started a blog–you can get to it via cheryl’s. I think you’ll like the title and there is something in today’s post (and tomorrow’s) that you’ll want to respond to.
Comment by phyllis — March 20, 2008 @ 2:14 pm
I’ll go check it out!
Comment by Robin Dec — March 20, 2008 @ 2:44 pm
I also think you’ve figured out this year’s halloween costume. Figure 5, the sequel has a definite vampire feel to it. Maybe his new teeth will be in by then, and they’ll be pointy.
Chips tied for 2nd behind Iowa in the NCAA wrestling tourney. Ew-Wah!
Comment by phyllis — March 20, 2008 @ 8:52 pm
I remember those days. Lola is still losing teeth and she will turn them every which way. And much like your son, she would NOT go to bed until it was out!
Austin would always wait until he lost them while eating. In fact, when he got braces he had to have 3 teeth pulled because he’d be 25 before they’d come out on their own!
Comment by Cheryl Engfer — March 20, 2008 @ 10:01 pm
Phyllis, funnily enough, he was a vampire this past Halloween already. Also funny, he looked over my shoulder for part of the making of the tutorial (hey…now there’s a whole other blog series right there). Oddly, his only beef with my rendering of his likeness, “Mom, I wear glasses. Why don’t you have me wearing glasses?”
My bad.
Comment by Robin Dec — March 20, 2008 @ 10:56 pm
you’ll note that I mentioned my eldest knocked his 2 top front teeth out at the age of 4–he was double that by the time they grew back in. Drinking through a straw or eating spaghetti was a breeze. That said, I would NOT recommend encouraging a kid to fall up a set of concrete stairs face first as a means of tooth extraction. It leaves blood, lots and lots of blood. I would also not recommend having 8 year olds fly over their handlebars going downhill. That is how my husband lost his top 2 PERMANENT teeth.
Comment by phyllis — March 21, 2008 @ 2:31 pm