My daughter was in public school K-12. But I’m a firm believer that parents need to find the right educational fit for their children. For some families, that’s private school. For some families, that’s homeschool.

Do not dismiss private school simply for financial reasons. Talk to the school principal and staff at that campus to find out what your options are. They know where the money is coming from that their families are paying.

It is a fact that more attention and money is available for college funding than for K-12 private school.

It is also a fact that K-12 private school funding breaks are more likely to rely on a family’s fundraiser participation, volunteer efforts, financial need or active church membership than the student’s academic record. That’s just the typical criteria for such things.

One example I know about: one of my teen-age friends took on a work study assignment at her private high school to help with tuition expenses when her family ran into financial difficulties.

So if private school appeals to you, then attend the open houses and meet with the school staff. You want to first find out whether your student would fit in with that environment. Each school has its own personality and academic emphasis.

Then while you are on campus, ask about the payment plans, merit scholarships, financial need grants and fundraiser campaigns.

If you still can’t afford the tuition with whatever options are available at that campus, well, then you make other arrangements for school.

But the tuition bite may not be as significant as you think.

The ones I knew about from 10 years ago or so were bulletin boards for moms who were pregnant about the same time. Some of the newer parenting sites are geographic based. Much of the discussion focuses on little-one parenting issues such as how to calm a teething baby and kid-friendly craft projects,  so I’m a bit out of that demographic. My daughter is 20 years old!

But I’ve also found frugal living chatter taking place on those boards and sites, so I do check them out from time to time.

Here are some of the Ohio and Michigan parent and family forums I know about:

• ToledoAreaMommies.com - This is a free networking site that is just getting started. The geographic area for ToledoAreaMommies includes the following cities in Michigan: Monroe, LaSalle, Temperance, Ida, Luna Pier, Erie, Lambertville, Samaria, and Ottawa Lake.
• Mom2Mom List - I’ve linked to this site many times. It’s a database of Mom2Mom second-hand sales in the metro Detroit area, and their geographic range does include Monroe. There’s also some chatter and articles beyond the sale lists.
• Detroit Moms Like Me - This is part of a network of Moms Like Me sites hosted by the Gannett newspaper chain. I’ve posted in some of the bulletin boards. Kris hosts the Bargainista forum on that site.
• Lansing Moms Like Me - Another one in that network.
• Columbus Moms Like Me - Even though it’s tagged Columbus / central Ohio, this site in the network includes some northwest Ohio cities.
• Parenting forum on MonroeTalks - The MonroeTalks site is the social networking site hosted by The Monroe Evening News in Monroe, Mich. I am one of the moderators on that site.

Of course, there also are many, many parenting blogs. But that will be a post for another time.

A snippet:

It’s tempting to dismiss the suffering of children who are pretty wealthy compared to those whose parents were barely surviving on minimum wage and then get laid off. But when wealthy children, even middle class children, have been shielded their whole lives from trauma and sacrifice, as much of this generation has, the recession can cause serious angst. …

That’s why it’s so important for parents and caregivers to offer comfort and stability amid the turmoil. That doesn’t mean hiding the truth from kids, but it does mean dispensing information thoughtfully and finding a way to release stress before walking through the door at the end of a rough day.

I don’t remember at what point she stopped believing in Santa. I do remember that it was a relatively untraumatic situation as compared to what some other families experience.

What did we do right?

I can tell you it wasn’t planned, but that’s just what happened.

My daughter never really got a lot of gifts from Santa. By the time she was old enough to grasp that Christmas meant gifts, I was divorced and single. Gifts from the relatives came from the relatives. While there were gifts to open under our tree on Christmas morning, the number of those packages was relatively few. Therefore, she learned as a preschooler not to expect to see a big pile of gifts all at one time.

Even after I got remarried, the most my husband and I ever spent on the daughter at Christmas was about $100.

I’m pretty sure that’s why, in my home, the Santa myth never got out of control.

It’s one thing to teach children that Santa brings gifts. (You can apply this concept as needed to Christmas friends in other cultures such as St. Nicholas, La Befana, the Christ Child or the Three Kings)

But it’s another thing entirely to teach children that Santa brings LOTS OF GIFTS.

If you decide to create that monster, there will certainly be at least one year during your children’s youth when you cannot meet that expectation. The resulting anger and disappointment (or attempts to avoid it) is sure to make for a stressful Christmas.

How can you gracefully deal with the Santa myth?

• Decide before your oldest child turns 2 years old how Santa or his colleagues will be part of your family Christmas tradition – or not. Keep in mind that babies and toddlers have no clue what’s going on at Christmas. Many of them are downright afraid of a funny-looking guy in a red suit anyway. Since the modern version of the Santa story is so drastically different from its origins with the tales of St. Nicholas the bishop, Christian families can find good reasons to include Santa or not, as they see fit. Besides, there are non-Christians who enjoy the Santa stories too. But those of you who are parents need to make the Santa decision early in childhood, and quite likely you will need to explain your approach in advance of Christmas to the extended family.
• Label only some of the gifts as from Santa. My family’s custom has been that St. Nicholas brought some candy and treats and maybe one present on Dec. 6, while Santa filled the stockings on Christmas Eve. The bigger gifts were usually labeled from parents or grandparents. Why? That’s just what we did. But it was a smart move in the long run: Santa was part of the ensemble. He wasn’t the only one handing out gifts.
• Don’t label Christmas as “just for kids.” Many times, the child will start wondering about Santa long before the parents realize it. Classmates, cousins and friends tend to talk to other kids when they know who is really behind the Santa stories. If Santa brings presents only for children, but not for adults, in your family, what do you expect the children to think and say when they really should be old enough to know better?
• Help your child be Santa for someone else. If you can afford it, find one of the toy, gift and food basket donation drives that are taking place and involve your children in making a cash or toy donation toward the cause. You can also help the children make gifts for other relatives or to deliver to a nursing home.
• Focus your family’s attention on other traditions. There is so much more to Christmas than Santa bringing presents. You can fill your family’s Christmas memories book with attending a production of “The Messiah,” portraying shepherds and angels for a church pageant, lighting an Advent wreath, attending Midnight Mass, serving a Polish seafood feast on Christmas Eve, hosting a house blessing on Three Kings Day, watching a live production of “The Nutcracker” or “The Christmas Carol” or “Annie”, checking out the Toledo Zoo’s Lights Before Christmas, picking out your own Christmas tree at the farm, learning how to make Grandma’s fruitcake and interviewing the older relatives about what Christmas was like back in their day.

There will certainly be a bit of fun gone when the Santa myth is broken, no matter the child’s age.

But if parents set the tone early with Santa being just a part, instead of the main focus, at Christmas, the realization of who’s really bringing those gifts won’t be quite so traumatic.

And when you are a family on a budget, you don’t need a lot of additional stress at Christmas.

Update: sorry, but I had to shut off the comment board on this post because of repeated spam attacks.

But it is a growing problem for some areas.

USA Today has this report: Lunch debts piling up for schools.

A snippet:

“When we’re talking to parents, we’re hearing that they lost their jobs, their cars have broken down,” says Sheila Mason of Des Moines Public Schools.

About 4,500 students in Des Moines owed $133,000 for unpaid meals at the start of the year, most of it from previous years. That’s more than twice the amount a year earlier.

If a student can’t pay, school officials say they contact parents and urge them to apply for federally subsidized free and reduced-price lunch programs. About 19 million students received free and reduced-price lunches in May, according to the U.S. Food and Nutrition Service.

I cannot stress this enough: if your family is income-eligible for free or reduced-price school lunches, sign up. This can be done at any time of year that your family income drops if you don’t meet the requirements in September — and you can sign off any time the circumstances change. When my brothers and I went on reduced-price lunches, it was for only a few weeks in spring semester of my fifth grade year.

The other option, if you run into a cash flow problem but don’t meet the requirements or the kids don’t like the hot lunch, is to pack the kids a very cheap sack or box lunch. Don’t send them to school with no lunch for the day.

I wouldn’t worry about the reaction in the lunch room when so many other Michigan students are already on the lunch program. These days, even the kids who pay full price for lunch are often using a paid-in-advance account anyway.

Besides, chit-chat such as “What did you do this summer?” “What are you doing this weekend?” “Did you see such-and-such movie yet?” and “What did you get for Christmas?” will be bigger clues to the classmates about family finances than what your kids eat for lunch.

Here are the income charts that Monroe Public Schools have posted for the 2009-2010 school year:

• 1 person: $14,090 a year or $1,174 a month.
• 2 people: $18,941 a year or $1,579 a month.
• 3 people: $23,803 a year or $1,984 a month.
• 4 people: $28,664 a year or $2,389 a month.
• 5 people: $33,527 a year or $2,794 a month.
• 6 people: $38,389 a year or $3,200 a month.
• 7 people: $43,251 a year or $3,605 a month.
• 8 people: $48,113 a year or $4,010 a month.
• For additional members add: $4,862 annually or $406 monthly.

• 1 person: $20,036 a year or $1,670 a month.
• 2 people: $26,955 a year or $2,247 a month.
• 3 people: $33,874 a year or $2,823 a month.
• 4 people: $40,793 a year or $3,400 a month.
• 5 people: $47,712 a year or $3,976 a month.
• 6 people: $54,631 a year or $4,553 a month.
• 7 people: $61,550 a year or $5,130 a month.
• 8 people: $68,469 a year or $5,706 a month.
• For additional members add: $6,919 annually or $577 monthly.

A snippet:

Instead of money, the network uses a point system to exchange and track the times a person provides babysitting or uses a babysitter. Every 15 minutes is worth one point and one hour tallies four points A person earns points when babysitting someone else’s children. A person spends points when someone babysits for them.

Sheena Terry, who got the co-op started, has set up both a Monroe group and a Toledo group.

I can’t direct link to the story but you can download Monroe County Parent in pdf format here. Free copies also are available at The Monroe Evening News office and many other locations in the Monroe, Mich., area.

But it can be a little bit complicated to arrange for such thing for one’s child, as I learned a few years ago when a particular seasonal flu strain in circulation was known to hit the younger people. I thought it was prudent to get my daughter vaccinated against that virus, but didn’t know where to get her shot done.

Answer: The Monroe County Health department announced some flu shot clinics just for kids. I took my daughter and we stood in line with other families to get the job done.

There’s no word yet on H1N1 flu vaccinations. But if you would like your child vaccinated against the 2009-2010 seasonal flu, that service is now available in Monroe, Mich. And it will cost only $10 for the kids’ shots, as compared to the $25 that adults typically pay.

Here’s the article in today’s Monroe Evening News explaining the details.

A snippet:

My wife and I are using the current economic situation as an educational jumping-off point for our two children, ages 5 and 9. Here are a few of the strategies you might want to try:

Put prices into perspective. When your kids clamor for a new toy or treat and you’d rather not spend the money, don’t simply say you can’t afford it. Put the cost into perspective by noting how long they would have to save their allowance or how many additional chores it would take to pay for it.

Why? The character is homeless.

The situation is feeding a commentary frenzy not only over the doll / toy / story line – but over the cost of the A.G. dolls, which have always been expensive in comparison to some other toy selections.

I’ll talk first about the characters in A.G. – and then I’ll tell you how to deal with the cost of the dolls and accessories.

Here is the doll at the center of attention: Gwen. She’s one of two friends to the Doll of the Year 2009 special edition Chrissa.

The A.G. product line is dolls with story books depicting girls who are around age 10 and dealing with a variety of situations in their family and American life. The first A.G. dolls portrayed significant eras in American history – but the collection has since included a special edition series of dolls who wear modern clothes. Sometimes the modern dolls got story lines of their own.

It is completely in keeping with A.G. “tradition,” both in the historic and modern dolls, to have their characters deal in an age-appropriate way with serious issues. One of the classic historic characters, Addy, was a former slave. Do you think she was enjoying a pleasant childhood when her story line begins?

There’s nothing on the AG site to explain the circumstances that Gwen is dealing with. The story line introduction is on the lead character, Chrissa, and her challenges with bullies at a new school.

But there’s been some pretty strong reaction as people followed up on the plot.

Here’s a post on the Mom Logic site:

Snuck into the collection is a doll that comes with a biography that is weird and potentially offensive enough to keep Mom running to the Maalox. Gwen, you see, is harboring a terrible secret.

She is homeless. A homeless doll.

In the history books that come with every American Girl doll — bringing to life these little monsters until impressionable little ones believe they are actual people — you learn that Gwen’s father walked out on the family. Her mother lost her job.

The Mommy Files noted the reaction as well:

But social commentators are questioning Gwen’s heart-wrenching tale. Is Mattel presenting an important social issue to children by manufacturing a doll who faces real, present day challenges? Or is the company commodifying and prettifying the issue by slapping on a Barbie Band Aid? And how can you charge nearly $100 for a doll that’s supposed to promote compassion for homeless people?

Now, if you are writing a children’s story that deals with issues of today, why wouldn’t you make reference to homelessness somewhere along the line? These are pretty tough economic times for a lot of people. Even Sesame Street is talking to children about joblessness!

Besides, if you are familiar with Kit, the Depression-era character in the A.G. series, you know that a failed business and the threat of foreclosure was part of that story.

Now, the A.G. product line has been around long enough that parents and grandparents should know whether they like the concept or they don’t. Personally, I do like the product line. My daughter had two of those dolls when she was growing up and I bought a lot of doll clothes at craft shows when my daughter was still playing with dolls. (We now have the dolls and doll clothes in storage bins since my daughter is in college.)

The initial price tag for an A.G. doll gets at lot of attention, but think about it: Many families, including my own family on a budget, do spend about that much per child on Christmas anyway. If you are going to spend $100 on Christmas presents, it seems prudent to me to focus the money and attention on one memorable item rather than boxes and bags of cheap, cluttery crap just to have a pile of stuff to open.

Here is how you deal with the cost of those dolls when you are a family on a budget:

It’s an annoying situation for the parents who are caught by surprise on project deadlines, concert dates and bake sale requests.

It’s an annoying situation for teachers who are waiting for papers to be signed and returned on situations such as field trips or homework checks.

It’s an annoying situation for the non-profit groups and agencies who asked that papers about special events or volunteer opportunities be sent home with students, but don’t get a good response.

And if you are a family on a budget, you can’t afford to keep replacing things such as mittens or lunch boxes that are needed but get left behind.

Here’s a good solution posted on that thread from one mom who put a stop to that nonsense:

I actually made a list for DS, laminated it and went to school and hung it in his locker.  I threatened that if I ever show up unannounced and looked in his locker it had better be there or I’d totally embarass him in front of his whole class!  That helped alot!

In the meantime, when my daughter was in grade school, I made it a habit of completely emptying her backpack about once a week to look for important papers that got overlooked or crammed underneath a textbook.

Some schools and Sunday Schoo0l programs are now going toward e-mail notifications sent home to parents so that they aren’t relying on a big packet of paperwork hand-delivered by a kid. If your school or church offers that option, sign up and make sure you check that e-mail account at least two times a week.

And some the area high schools post their daily announcements on line. If you are a parent, you’ll want to check that web site at least twice a week to look for notices such as scholarship announcements and yearbook photo deadlines. Today’s students don’t listen to the public address or video announcements any better than you and your classmates did.