(Munson Park)
David Augsburger, in his excellent little book Caring Enough to Confront, teaches us how to effectively communicate in marriage and relationships when we are in conflict. He sees four communication options in conflict and finds them all lacking even though they are much used.
He gives us a fifth option, using Ephesians 4:15, which says: “therefore speak the truth in love; so shall we fully grow up into Christ.” Here we are told, in communication, to be both truthful and loving or, in Augsburger’s words, both confronting and caring. Practically, here’s what this means.
Work at communicating both caring and confronting in the middle of marital or relational conflict. The table below shows the attitudes to have and hold to.
|
CARING |
CONFRONTING |
|
I care about our relationship |
I feel deeply about the issue at stake |
|
I want to hear your view |
I want to clearly express mine |
|
I want to respect your insights |
I want respect for mine |
|
I trust you to be able to handle my honest feelings |
I want you to trust me with yours |
|
I promise to stay with the discussion until we reach an understanding |
I want you to keep working with me until we’ve reached An understanding |
|
I will not trick, pressure, manipulate, or distort the differences |
I want your unpressured, clear, honest view of our differences |
|
I give you my loving, honest respect |
I want your caring-confronting response |
For more explanation Augsburger’s book can be purchased on amazon.com for about $10 – a great investment! Why not get the book and read it with your significant other? Discuss, learn, grow.
