On Friday, April 4, we had to euthanize our dog So-Fee. For me this was heart-breaking. It was, for me, intense. Grief. Loss. Loss of a friend. Loss of a companion.
As a pastor I’m around death a lot. I’m acquainted with grief and loss. I’ve done lots of funerals over the years. I’ve visited countless people who are dying. I have been with many people at their actual moment of death. I even did my own father’s funeral, my mother’s funeral, and my mother-in-law’s funeral (Linda’s mom). To be honest, I do not mind doing these things. I view them as opportunities to inject hope into the hearts of grieving people who are looking for a foundation to stand on. If asked by God, I’d very much enjoy speaking at my own funeral.
But I hate death. I hate grief. Yes, it’s therapeutic to appropriately grieve. Yes, if people don’t allow themselves to cry and grieve it’s likely unhealthy for them and even for others. And yes I do not rejoice in grief. Grief is… grief. Sadness. Loss. Even Jesus grieved over the loss of his friend Lazarus. Even Jesus hated death.
So-Fee was twelve years old. She was part cocker spaniel and part chow. Her urethra became blocked and she could not urinate. We took her to our vet – he recommended that we take her to MSU’s small animal hospital. Inability to urinate is serious and quickly leads to renal failure and a horrible death. She was there for 4 days with a catheter inserted into her urethra and on an IV. They were unable to get a clear diagnosis – the blockage was either due to a cancerous tumor that had grown, or to an incurable condition called granulomatous urethritis. Trust me – you don’t want your dog to have either of these.
After 4 days we drove up to get her and bring her home and put her down in her home, Monroe. The vet said, let’s try an anti-inflammatory medicine and see if this shrinks whatever is blocking her. We gave her the medicine. During the night my son and I went outside with So-Fee to see if she was urinating. I was out with her at 1 AM on my front lawn, in the snow, on my knees shining a flashlight at her rear end trying to see if she would go. A car drove by. I wonder if they saw me, a 58-year-old man in the dark, doing what I was doing? But who cares – I’m trying to save my dog’s life! I take some comfort in knowing that even the prophets were misunderstood.
The medicine worked for 2 weeks. But the problem recurred. We put her in the car – she thought she was going for another one of those car rides she loved so much. We brought her to the vet. We said good-bye. We all cried.
Now, about this “death” thing. It was never supposed to be this way. Not for animals or trees or people. I’m with the way Paul puts it in his letter to the Romans, chapter verses 18-21 -
“18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.”
Because of the real resurrection of Jesus in history, I know that death and grief and loss will not have the final word. This sustains me today. And my own belief is that even So-Fee is part of God’s creation who was subjected to frustration and who is now liberated from bondage and brought into freedom. So-Fee, if you can hear me, I’ll be seeing you soon.
Leave a comment