Archive for September 2009
Hello loyal readers and nOObs alike. Today, I plan to review Monroe’s super Wal-Mart. And as you may have guessed, this is going to be an amazing and riveting review. In fact, this may be a better review than when I reviewed McDonald’s iced tea. So let us begin.
First off, one of things most people will notice right off the bat is that Walmart’s parking lot sucks. It seems quite evident that a kindergartner was in charge for laying out the groundwork for the parking lot. All the aisles are TINY. And when I say tiny, I mean minuscule. Imagine a Jonas Brother concert that also had Miley Cyrus headlining, and the 1.5 million screaming, Jr High school age children attending said concert. Now imagine trying to park your car somewhere in between the pre-pubescent children. That’s kind of what it’s like to park at Super Walmart.
So now that you know what that’s like, let’s take a closer look at the actual inside of Super Ultra Walmart. In case you haven’t been inside the store yet, almost every time I have been there the place has been packed. Now I know that’s not the fault of Walmart or that of its employees, but just getting around the store reminds me of taking a guided tour to the seventh circle of hell. The actual selection of food is actually pretty good. I would say it’s on par with Meijer, but probably has a bit less food that a straight up super market (i.e. Kroger, or Kroger’s ghetto cousin Food Town). However, the lay out of these food aisles is for the most part, down right idiotic. There is literally no theme whatsoever to the organization. It seems a lot of the categories of food were kind of just randomly thrown together. Maybe to some it’s not a big deal, but to me it did seem a bit disorienting at times. Also, the store had their special items that were on sale displayed at the ends of aisles; however, instead of placing these items near where their other same type of food brethren belong, these sales items were located in completely different spots. Dumb.
The “Home Goods” sections of the store are probably better organized as a whole than the food section. Ultimate Walmart’s electronic section is without a doubt the best part about the whole store. As soon as any male from the age of 16-45 walks into the electronics department, he will most likely start to get an erection from the wide selection of assorted electronic goods that Omni Walmart carries. And as soon as said male gets a look at the prices, he will also forget any prejudices he once had against Walmart for their evil doings in underpaying workers, putting people out of business and outsourcing jobs.
The toys department is a bit small compared to most modern day standards. It also irked me that they had a quite limited stash of action figures. The sporting goods left much to be desired as well. I will note though that the auto department looked pretty good (NOTE: THE AUTHOR KNOWS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT CARS, SO THEREFORE IT MAKES THE PREVIOUS STATEMENT WORTHLESS).
The service at Super Saijin Walmart seems okay. Most of the workers were semi friendly, and asked me/ the people I was with if we needed help with looking for stuff. Overall I would say that Extreme Walmart is a pretty decent place to buy stuff, that is if you are poor (like me) or enjoy saving money and don’t care too much about the people who are working for a dollar in China and Vietnam.
Ratings:
Parking: Crappy/ 10
Food section: 6.5/ 10
Electronics: 8/ 10
Other Home sections: 7/ 10
Overall: 7/ 10 (or if you are poor): 9/10
- C.C.
Alas I am here my fellow friends! I come down from the ashes through a whirlwind of fire, spew from the jaws of multiple fire breathing dragons all strung together as if they are one. For my first review as a non-official critic/blogger I will review Halo ODST, Batman: Arkham Ayslum, and…well how about I review a broader game, one that people gather together inside and outside to compete against one another. The game I am referring to is the game of chess.
Chess is a new game which was created around 1995 by a man name John Chess. In this game there are pawns, rooks, knights, bishops, a king and a queen. Now before I explain how the game works, let me point out that these pieces are not actual knights, kings, etc., they are actual small wooden (in most cases) artifacts that don’t resemble their name. For example the rook looks like an electric cigarette lighter and even more ridiculous is the knight, which resembles a horse. Now you must be thinking, “Why is this?”, well if there was more information on why this is I certainly would share it with you. The board used in the game of chess is checkered, basically it is the same game board as the way more famous game of checkers which I’m sure you’ve all heard of. There are two players (I have tried one player chess, which is also entertaining) and each player rotates between turns. Each piece can only move a certain way, and basically the queen rules all followed by the rook. If your friend has 3 rooks, a king, and a queen left while you have 3 queens, 1 rook, and a king, lets just say you might have chess skills.
Unlike Halo 3 ODST, the game of chess takes time, unless of course you suck. Strategy, focus, and concentration are huge elements of the game and sometimes the element of fun also comes in. I must say, while waiting for your friend to make his move can be frustrating, don’t forget to use that time to be strategical and plan your counterattack as this can be crucial to winning the game outright. Another important tip when playing chess is to have food and most importantly a drink at your side so you can stay awake and not go hungry during your hour long plus game. It is also important to have a chess simulator on your phone or itouch device that will tell you the best move you can make at the time (of course pretend like you are texting instead of cheating, nobody likes a cheater!).
There are many rules in the game of chess to go by if you want to play it correctly and I suggest reviewing a chess instruction manual to correctly play this game. Chess is a game of simplicity and advancicity with a modern touch of checkers. Although not as fun as checkers, it still has the staying power to bring you crawling back time and time again. If you’re looking for a bit of fun on a late Friday night, forget the clubs, forget the bowling alley, remember chess!
8 Multi-player: This game was designed mostly for mutli-player use, though single-player has its moments. If you remember to keep a drink and food at your side you and your buddy can play this all night long.
8.5 Graphics: The horses, king and queen pack enough punch to have you staring at them for hours without having to hopefully look at the bleak and boring game board it uses.
9 Staying Power: Single-player, a great multi-player, and beautifully designed game pieces make this game one of a kind with thrills, chills, and lots of kills!
OVERALL: 8.5
-admin2/newguy
Hello out there in blogger land. I have a real treat for you today, my faithful readers. In case you haven’t noticed, I have been getting a bit lazy in my posting. Maybe it’s due in part to the fact that I go to college, and spend most of my time writing countless papers about such topics as “Describe how Communism has affected progress in the middle east”, as well as favorites like “Fact or Fiction: Cellulite Is An Epidemic” that it causes me to not really want to write anything else. Or maybe it’s just because I’m too lazy to actually do anything. Most likely it’s the second.
So then because of this, I have decided to change things up a bit. I feel like I need a new outlook, nay a fresh opinion on things. And because of this, I have decided to add an additional writer to the site. Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, it is my pleasure to introduce to you, long time friend, video game enthusiast, and fellow critic, Josh Piippo!
Yes, I know his last name may seem a bit hard to pronounce, but believe me, his opinions on movies and such are as hard as they come. With “Peep” now on board, this will give the site a fighting chance, and will also give you the reader more of a reason to continue coming back. I of course will stay and continue to write as often as possible (I’m actually currently working on a review of Halo: ODST, so stay tuned!). But now with Peep around, it has given me plenty of fresh new ideas. Varying things from dueling opinions about movies, to a panelist discussion of sorts. Oh, and be sure to check out Peep’s bio in the “About the Cynical Critics” page, located at the top of the site.
So anyway, stick around and stay tuned. I know I still have a lot more plans for this site, and you can guarantee Peep’s got some too!
- C.C.
