I was sitting around thinking today, like I don’t do enough of it already. I know we will face issues with society in general when it comes to people. There will be those who will be understanding of Knoah’s dwarfism and treat him as a person, looking past his short stature. There will be those who will continually question his intelligence, abilities and standing in society because he is different. Some people will trust him when he says something, others will no doubt want to treat him as if he is unimportant. I expect kids to be mean. They just are. They don’t realize how they can impact other people. It maybe funny to them, it maybe their feelings are hurt, so they want payback.
I wondered how do we counter this from happening? How do we raise him so there is no questioning his thoughts, abilities and motives. Then it dawns on me, wait a second! I am average height, intelligent, articulate, compassionate and honest. Still there are people who look at me or my husband as if we are insignificant. We get treated like we simply don’t exist. More so my husband than I. For me, it bothers me, but ultimately, I DGaF. I really don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. I was raised appropriately, I treat those the way I want to be treated. Openly, honestly and with compassion.
My observation of my husband’s standing in life is this, he is either appreciated or not. I watch him in his daily interactions with people, I listen to other’s impressions of the way he gets treated and I am worried. I mean, we as a family, people try to associate ourselves with people who are genuine. As we talked about this, I learned a few things. He looks for individuals who follow four basic values: to help, respect, trust in and take responsibility for self and others.
I was breaking each one of these down today and came up with a few pros and cons with regards to our situation.
To help: Be of service to anyone you come across. In work, in life, in the community. You must without question always be prepared to help others and do so with a honest heart.
Respect: Always show respect. Regardless of who, what, when, where and why. When you are disrespected, it does not mean you may do so back. Respect is not demanded it is deserved.
Trust In: You have to trust in those you encounter until they prove they are not to be trusted. When you can be trusted, you keep their trust. When it is lost, you can never fully replace it.
Take responsibility in yourself and others: You have to take responsibility for your actions. Right, wrong or indifferent. Show those who do not know or do not want to take responsibility how to. You have to be a model for others. It is their choice if they follow it.
Now reflecting on this, it brings up a few questions and responses.
To help: Let’s say you help. You do so willingly and wantingly. Then it is thrown away by someone who doesn’t believe in this. We have all come across that person, the one who says, I am here to help, but doesn’t really mean it. They’ll help when it benefits them. How do you not let this affect you day in and day out?
Respect: You show respect for another person because they are a human being. You don’t have to like them, but you can show them respect by acknowledging their existence. Then how do you respond when you are ignored, put down publicly and talked badly about. We won’t get into law of slander, but just simply disrespected. How are you suppose to react?
Trust In: One has to trust in something. You car starting everyday, you kid’s behaving appropriately in school, your spouse loving you. You have to trust in something or someone. Then you learn the hard way, you can’t trust those your suppose to trust in. At work, you have to trust your supervisor sees your dedication and extra work. Then you find out they don’t. Your supervisor talking about you behind your back and your still expected to trust them? How?
Take responsibility of yourself and others: Most people are taught early in life that for every choice you make, you must take responsibility for it. That you must show others how to take responsibility for their actions if they don’t. Be a model. Then when you do take responsibility, you still encounter those who want to make excuses for the reason they won’t take responsibility for their actions. They don’t care who they hurt or what they have done. Hurtful words, spiteful actions are a way of life for them. Yet, we are still expected to interact with them.
I said earlier I was worried. Why? What I am describing are things I have seen as an adult by other adults. Not children, not second graders. Fully grow adults who have jobs, influence other’s, are expected to behave within a code.
It maybe because I am a military brat. My family history is steeped in a military way of life. My great-grandfather was in the Army, my grandfather the Navy, my father the Air Force, my husband the Army, my uncle was Chief of Police, one of my best friends is a State Trooper. The CODE. You act a certain way and you will be treated accordingly. You lie, your treated as a liar, your honest, you will be trusted, you help those in need, you are rewarded with kindness. Yet, I know others don’t believe in this or they don’t act like it.
So how do I add that layer of protection on Knoah, given his appearance? That is what people will see first. How do I give him the resources to deal with the world outside my front door when the world is seething with depravity? How do I give him the words of encouragement that the world is good when we, right now encounter nothing but deception?
I as an adult cannot even wrap my head around this. I struggle everyday with this conflict. I want the world to be a peaceful place for all of us, but it’s not. What can I do to make it better?
