Reviews: A Reason for Titanium Sporks?
Posted on 25 January 2007 under Review Notes
Mary … honey … Sweetheart! I now have a reason to buy some titanium sporks! Five of them to be exact. Oh, and I’ll need a plastic one, too. Heck, we may as well order six of the titanium ones so we have a complete “set”. 
When I first spoke with the Monroe News’ Managing Editor Dan Shaw about writing this blog, one subject that came up was that of restaurant reviews. I’ve written a few so far, but the whole concept of giving, say, the Frog Leg Inn ”five stars”, or, as some sites have, “five forks”, just seems a bit too passé.
Enter the titanium spork. Currently only available through ThinkGeek, that particular site even provides action shots of the titanium spork in … er … action.
Here’s how titanium spork-based restaurant reviews would work:
We know for a fact the Frog Leg Inn rates pretty high, so they’d get 5 titanium sporks. Mancy’s Steakhouse in Toledo would get 4 titanium sporks, as would the Chateau Louise in Luna Pier. Schmucker’s Restaurant, also in Toledo, would get 3 titanium sporks.
Wait … on second thought, no, it wouldn’t …
Schmuckers would get 3 titanium sporks … plus a plastic spork.
Do the math. That’s 3.5 titanium sporks. A decent rating for a good, family restaurant like Schmuckers that offers homemade pie for dessert.
So, I need 5 titanium sporks for photos of the various ratings, plus a plastic spork for the intermediate ratings to add 0.5 to each whole-number rating.
May as well get 6 titanium sporks so they’re useful afterward.
What’s that, Mary? “Whaddaya mean, useful???” Hey, if on Snakes On A Plane, that spork Julianna Margulies had handed Samuel L. Jackson had been titanium instead of plastic, those snakes woulda’ been toast!
Oh, and they’re also good for eating things when camping, too … er … I mean, titanium sporks, not snakes. Unless you’re into that kind of thing …
So, dear readers, what do you think? I know Mary’s likely going to have to think about it. 
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26 January 2007 @ 2:16 pm Posted by Aaron
Titanium forks would be a great idea. Not brittle like the plastic ones that break under the weight of mashed potatoes, but sturdy ones that would really cause some damage if you decided to play “Spoons” with them :D.