Pacer Chick

I started CYMBALTA!!!! today, and so far, not dead. Here is the funny thing though…I was reading the little paper that comes with the prescription that has all the info on it. The first thing I read is “May cause increase in depression and suicidal thoughts” ………………………………………….To me, that seems like the same deal if you were to take birth control, and on the side it says “May cause pregnancy.” I don’t  know, medicines always has some weird side effects, and its your own little suprise to see which ones you get to encounter. I have a headache right now, but I don’t know if its because of the weather, or my lack of caffeine today or what. But, its a day off from work, so I get to just chill and let myself be sick and not have to worry about running around and doing this and that at work.

More “CSI” and some French Vanilla ice cappuccino from Tim Hortons. Sounds like a fun date for me!

My day was just a roller coaster! I didn’t take my medicine today because it was all just such a busy day. I switched days with a co-worker, so it kinda threw me off schedule. I had a headache at work, and screaming children…oh my gosh. Nothing makes you feel better like a screaming child. Or perhaps, five screaming children! My head was just spinning…oy vey! It was good to be able to be off work and just go home and watch a movie, just chill out. “CSI” was the weapon of choice today, I love that show!

Also went to the gym today because I just need to go. I am hoping that, and switching my meds will make me feel and look better. I am going to be taking Cymbalta, its basically the same as Lexapro *which I had been taking* but it has less side effects, thank God! I am excited for a change, but I am also nervous because I am so touchy with medicine. I can’t even count how many I have been on because I have been taking them since I was five. I can even remember when I was like ten years old, sorting out my pills in those day by day pill holders like I was an old woman *no offense* I should be thankful that I am not on a thousand different medications though, amen! Wish me luck on the switch though, hopefully its not that bumpy of a ride.

No work tomorrow, probably the gym and who knows where the rest of the day will take me. Hopefully its a good day, I am gonna start the CYMBALTA then! Sorry, but that just sounds like the name of some Greek god, or a mythological dragon or something…CYMBALTA!! Oh, I am gonna have fun with that one.

Oh duh! I was gonna lay it on thick about Dr. Grubb. If you haven’t seen him, call him right now. Like…NOW! He is like a Birken bag, he has a waiting list…He is amazing though, he is smart, he is very nice, he is a life saver. I don’t know, or even want to know where I would be without his help. I just think he is the smartest guy in the universe. I see him, and go for pacemaker check ups every six months…and that is usually how long you have to wait for an appointment. So, get in there! And read his book! *Told you he was smart!* Its called “The Fainting Phenomenon” by Dr. Blair Grubb. And, whatdaya know, its at your Monroe County Library system! Imagine that!

Okay, “CSI” and then night time.

Yesterday was HECTIC so, I didn’t get a chance to write about my little “adventures” so, today…you get the wrap-up.

My appointment was at 8:30, and of course, I ended up waking up at 8:21 am. And I contemplated if it was possible to get to Toledo in a matter of nine minutes, and decided against that. So, I called and thank God they had an opening at 10:00. I rushed down there, and while I was maybe a mile away from the hospital, I started to feel sick. I was on the phone with my friend John, and all of a sudden I felt light headed and dizzy. I pulled into the parking lot, and hurried along into the building all the time just saying to myself “Its okay, you are gonna be okay.” Not out loud mind you, I didn’t want to scare anyone. I asked to lay down as soon as I got there, and they accomodated me *Thank God* I don’t even know what happened, I just felt BLAH!

I saw Dr. Grubb’s nurse practioner…which…you know, she is very nice. But, I am a very complicated case *not to brag* but seriously, I am a mess! She prescribed me a new medication that hopefully won’t cause weight gain like the other one did because I am sick of being fat. I mean,I am not sumo wrestler big, but I just don’t like it. ANYWAYS, then my mom wanted me to ask them about why my heart rate has been so fast because last time I was there, my pacemaker was recording my heart going like 200+. So, the pacemaker techician hooked me up and printed me out another report with the same thing, my heart has been going 200. His response to that…”Well, you have a fast heart rate anyways.” Let me get this straight…I have a pacemaker because my heart STOPPED when I passed out…but my heart going 200 is normal. I don’t know how much crack he was smoking, but come on!

After that, I went to my dad’s gym and got some protein shake stuff for me to drink and he told me what all I should do to help get me back in shape. He is a personal trainer, so he knows his stuff. Went out to eat with him, got a really good salad!! Like, I am not one to throw a party over a salad, but this one was pretty scrumptious. Molly’s in Bedford…there’s some free advertising for them.

And the icing on the cake last night, to just top of the day…my younger sister was in a bad car accident. That was just a freaky sight to see her car all smashed up and her being strapped into a stretcher with a neckbrace on. I had to keep my cool *and balance* through that whole situation there. She is okay though, just bruised up.

Thats enough for now I believe. More fun updates later!!

I had a girl come into my work today with her mom and I realized I knew her through a friend of mine. Anyways, she was telling me about how she heard about my blog from word of mouth because her daughter has the same heart problem. I thought it was so cool to hear about people talking about my blog, and that its actually helping people and maybe even entertaining people. I also love meeting new people, especially people who share the same disorder as me because I automatically feel a connection with them. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read my blog and told other people about it. I think its very groovy, and it makes me feel like going through all I have been through has been worth it because I can help other people. It really means a lot to me, thank you. E-mail me anytime, or stop by and see me at work *reading is good* Whichever!

I had a horrid headache at work today. One part of that is because I didn’t take my medicine today, which is my own dumb fault. But also the weather was a big factor I am sure. It was beautiful, and warm out, and then pouring down rain. Does anyone else get affected by the weather? Michigan is probably the worst place to live if that is the case because the weather changes every five seconds. I get such bad headaches when the barometric pressure drops…explain THAT symptom to people and watch the look on their faces. I mean, even when you say “Oh, I have Neurocardiogenic Syncope” you get a blank look in response, and when you start naming off your different symptoms, you may as well be naming off recipes in a cookbook because they are so different. Hey! We are all different recipes because we all have different “ingredients” that make up our disorder. Wow, that was a really good metaphor, high five for me!

I guess since my head is killing me, I should get to bed. I am going to my cardiologist Dr. Grubb tomorrow. I will make sure and sing his praises non-stop tomorrow because he is a life saver.

 Goodnite!

Shall we cross THAT line now? Is it too soon? Oh the heck with it!

On a strictly medical standpoint, having a heart problem like this and being a girl *get where I am going with this?* is not fun at certain times of the month. I swear, along with the usual symptoms of this fun time, my body feels like I am on a roller coaster ride. Today at work, I was just so crappy feeling because of my period, I thought I was gonna have to go home early. I remember when I used to get it, I would have to stay home from school, and just lay around and do nothing. I kept myself busy today though, drank a Coke, and it helped me feel a little better. Although when I got off work, I went to the store got some Pringles, gossip magazines, and a pizza and watched a movie with my younger sister. So, that was my lazy part of the day. After that, I went for a walk on the bike path, which made me feel a lot better.

Even with my iPod blasting ACDC and All American Rejects, my mind was thinking about many things. I think about my dreams, and where I want to go in life. I want to be like my idols, like Marilyn Monroe, Jean Harlow, Clara Bow. To be a star! I sometimes wonder about being sick and handling that kind of working schedule, all those flashing camera lights, no privacy…it seems like a mess. But then I think about acting, and smiling for the cameras on the red carpet. Oh what a rush that would be. I know God has kept me here for a reason, and I think its because I am gonna be something wonderful, do amazing things, be a star! Oooh, I love the thought!

I am getting sidetracked here, sorry! I should get to bed, gym and work in the morning. Busy, busy.

Farewell!

Goodness, it seems like I haven’t written in forever. Sorry! I am back though, never fear!

One of my family members recently had a sleep test done at the hospital, and it got me thinking about a sleep test *or whatever it was* that I had done a long time ago. I don’t really see the purpose of it now, and I am not sure if I really did then. I just knew it meant I had to stay up all night…and thats pretty much what it was. Stay up all night, go to the doctor in the morning, and be starving because you couldn’t eat anything. During the day it was fun anticipating the night because I would get movies and whatnot, and my dad was the designated one to stay up with me. The fun of it goes away after awhile though, and you get tired. I remember I was allowed to only nap for maybe a half hour. It sucked! I remember my dad would have to come in and wake me up, and it just seemed ridiculous! I had maybe two or three of those tests, I still don’t get it, I will have to bring it up to my mom sometime.

My mom is a nurse by the way. Kinda handy to have a portable nurse with you when you have health problems. Like I have said before, my family is used to me, and my mom is used to me both as a daughter and probably as a patient *in a way* The funny thing is though is that my dad has never seen me pass out. He has stayed with me in the hospital and been there when I had IV’s put in and all that but has never seen me pass out…I still think thats kinda funny. Lucky him! My sisters saw me have my first seizure, I can only imagine fun that must have been. I had my first seizure while getting the cast on my arm taken off. It was supposed to be a good day, go in, get the cast taken off, and go to my grandparents because they were coming home from China and my cousins were all over there. Nope! I remember the whirring saw hitting my arm, and I remember waking up to everyone rushing around, my sisters freaking out, and just wondering what the heck had happened! In a blur, I remember being put in a wheelchair, throwing up…and don’t know after that! Thank goodness those days are over! Now I only really black out, which is better than going completely out.

Yuck! I don’t want to think about passing out, otherwise I am going to! Life imitating art. In this case, not the best thing.

Alright, I am watching “Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte” and I want to go back to actually watching it. Good movie.

Goodnight!

Right now, I am in fact a lobster. My face is bright red. Its rather charming, believe me. I don’t sweat normally *yet ANOTHER lovely symptom* so I get all red like I put my face up to the sun. Working out was fun though, I ran on the elyptical for 40 minutes, while jamming to my iPod and reading some of my celebrity gossip magazines. I feel better though. Got to work out a lot of stress, sweat it all out perhaps? If only! While I was running though, I was thinking about tilt table tests *don’t ask me why*

Tilt table tests are a very common way that NCS can be diagnosed. They suck! I have had three, and let me tell you…they are horrible. Its very simple too, like some kind of medieval torture device. You are strapped to a table, and tilted until you are straight up, and then tilted back down. I actually have the second fastest time of passing out on the test. As soon as I get tilted up, goodnight! I had my first test when I was 11, and when I passed out, the monitors showed that I was completly flat lined for 17 seconds. Couple days after that, I had the pacemaker implanted.

If anyone has to get one of those tests done, I am SO sorry! If you have had one done, I feel your pain…literally. But on the good side, it can help get a diagnosis. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

Blah, blah, blah! Two posts in one day, how lucky are you!? I am off to bed now.

Ciao!

Yay! I went on a date with a Navy Seal, how about that one? He took me to Mongolian BBQ in downtown Ann Arbor because that was the place we went to on our first date like three years ago *how cute is that* I was scared at one point because one of my symptoms is that I can’t really sit or stand for a long period of time. This is why its not a big suprise to see me pass out after just sitting down. Anyways, I took a sip of my pop and started moving my legs around to kinda “shake” the feeling off, and it helped a bit. The last thing I wanted was to pass out in front of him. I did it once before in high school in the class we shared…I was mortified.

Dating is always a touch and go subject with this heart problem. Its very embaressing to pass out and get sick in public, especially in front of a boy you like. If you can surround yourself with understanding people, the better. I know most guys out there don’t mind it, but it can be a pain in the you know what. I get so scared and nervous going on dates because I keep thinking about getting sick at the table, or passing out face first into my food. Ugh! The things a girl has to do for love!

I am lucky because my family is used to me, and my longtime friends are used to me. My mom and friends Ashley and John don’t even freak out when I pass out or get sick. They just do the steps: put feet up, drink some pop, and just wait for it pass. I like that attitude rather than “OH MY GOD! SHE IS SICK!! CALL THE COPS! CALL THE AMBULANCE! CALL THE POPE!” I know its scary, believe me. Just got to keep calm!

Alright, I am gonna go work out at my dad’s gym now. Gotta get myself back in shape. I hate how medications can have stupid side effects. Lucky me, my medication has made me gain weight. I guess its better than growing another head or something.

Until we meet again…

One of the things I have been blessed with is that I never get sick…like “normal” sick. But alas, here I am, feeling like I was beaten with a sand bag. I have a sore throat, headache, my ears hurt…UGH! Being sick with NCS on top of it, not a real picnic. Today I woke up and just wanted to lay in bed all day, watch a movie, have my breakfast/lunch/dinner served to me, and try and feel  better. But alas, I had to work. And it seemed like everyone I worked with was sick and everyone who came into the library was sick. I don’t like that…I don’t like being sick.

I want to address something though to the people out there who have dysautonomia, and its about stress. Good lord, that makes you feel absolutely horrible! I was going through some tough times recently, bad break up, moving out of my apartment in Ypsilanti, being a broke college kid…everything on top of one another! I had a few days where I was so overwhelmed that I was ready to pass out at the snap of a finger because I felt so nauseous and I could barely eat a thing. Its tough and it took a lot of talking with friends and family to help me sort everything out in my head. You really need to stay positive and focus on making your life as meaningful and exciting as possible. Making yourself sick over things is not the way to go…so stay positive, and be happy!! Smile!!

Speaking of taking care of yourself, I should get to bed. I have a lunch date tomorrow. Now there is a blog for ya! Dating someone with this heart problem is SOOO much fun I am sure. *Please note the sarcasm* Anyways, when you meet someone who is understanding and caring, snatch them up!!

Take care everyone!!

People have been rather curious about the name of my blog…well, here is the story behind it. When I was 11, I had my first pacemaker implanted. I am sure it was weird for kids my age to think of the idea of their classmate having a pacemaker, since that is usually saved for their grandparents *no offense* Anyway, when I was in Sunday school this boy in the class kept calling me pacer chick. He kept doing it and doing it, and finally one day, I got fed up. I walked over to him, and punched him in the face. I remember the other kids and Sunday school teacher holding me back, but oh man was I mad! I was just getting used to the idea of having a pacemaker, and believe me I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea. I don’t mind the stupid comments people say now, because I am used to them, but still…sometimes I just want to say “SHUT UP!”

The one thing I do mind being said though is that I am faking it. I have heard that so much during my life, and because of that, it took me almost eight years to get a real diagnosis. When I don’t feel good, it sucks, why would I do that for attention? Why would anyone do that for attention? If you have NCS, POTS, or anything else, and someone is telling you that you are faking it, just push those ignorant remarks to the back of your mind. If only they could walk a mile in our shoes…

I hope everyone is feeling well today also. I am feeling pretty good, I worked, and now its time to relax! Dinner and a movie perhaps.

Till next time…