Pacer Chick

No happy go lucky post, sorry! I have been sick still with migraines, and actually threw up at my friend’s house because of being sick. So, I don’t know whats going on. Yesterday I felt better, I was able to be up and about. But today I was at work for about three hours, and that was all I could handle before having to go home. I was just sitting there, trying to concentrate on not passing out or throwing up. But, it got to the point where I was too scared of passing out at work (again) I am sure I am becoming a pain in the you know what at work because of all this, and it sucks because I would rather BE at work then laying around here all day doing nothing!!

I guess the good/bad thing about my personality is that I do tend to push myself. Its a good thing because, well, its better than laying around and feeling sorry for yourself and wasting the day away. Its bad because well, if you are feeling like you are going to throw up, and you go run a mile or whatever…probably not the best thing to do. I think I know where to draw the line of when to stop and when to go, but…sometimes I get too fed up of just sitting around that I have to get up and go.

I am trying to get better so I don’t write all this depressing crap. I promise!

Migraine is still present.

Good lord, make it go away PLEEEEEASE! I guess it was a good thing I didn’t work today so I could kinda relax and not concentrate on the pain. But I had to go through my stuff in the garage, then get stuff out of the attic. Ugh! I wish it would go away so I can enjoy the nice weather and not have just lay on a couch feeling like I was hit on the head with a fifty pound weight. I hate to keep complaining about it, but it keeps coming up! I work tomorrow, so I hope I don’t have one, or that it isn’t as bad.

Thats one thing I really don’t like about having NCS/POTS…getting sick when I have to work. I feel like such a bad employee because I am putting my supervisor and my co-workers into a goofy spot instead of it just being a “smooth” day. And explaining what is wrong with me or how it came about, it just gets so tiring! I should feel lucky I work with people who are understanding of me, they have become a family to me, especially after working there for six years. But the same thing goes with friends. You have plans to do something days ahead of time, but then you wake up and feel horrible, you have to cancel. I hate that!! It gets hard to explain over and over again, sometimes I just suck it up and try and go, but you end up feeling miserable and bringing everyone down.

Hey, next post…I will share some funny stories with you instead of complaining about my head or side effects of meds. Even if it sucks getting sick and passing out, looking back on it, you gotta laugh at some of the situations.

Ciao!

My head feels like a cement brick just fell on my face. I don’t know what the heck it is, if its my meds, or if its just a whatever migraine. But either way, its kinda been bringing a damper on my day. I tried to have a good day, but it gets kinda stressful thinking about the apartment hunting thing and all that. I keep looking and looking…and who knows?!

I don’t want to sit here and whine for eight or nine paragraphs, so pretend I am sitting here smiling and having a good ole time! I will try and put myself in that frame of mind as well. Hope you all had a good day.

Since I gave y’all the website for the DYNA foundation, I was thinking about the other sources of info that I could give you to help give more insight about this disorder. Every little bit helps, right?

First thing that comes to mind is the book “The Fainting Phenomenon” by Dr. Blair Grubb. I don’t remember if I have mentioned the book before, either way, I am going to do it again! The book is very helpful and insightful to all the bits and pieces of this disorder, no matter which form of Dysautonomia you have. But, keep in mind, it was written by a doctor. A very, very, VERY smart doctor, so sometimes it can be a little technical. For the most part though, its pretty easy to follow. I remember when I first got a hold of it, I went through the lists of symptoms and was just doing a checklist in my head. I believe the book is available to purchase on Amazon…I think my mom bought it there. BUT, if I may plug my workplace right here, it is available at the library as well if you just want to check it out and scan through it.

Another source of info is…ME! No, I am not a doctor, heck, I am only 21 years old (22 on the 28th though YAY!!) But those 21 years have been affected by this disorder, so I figure I should know what I am talking about with this disorder. If you ever have any questions about how to contact Dr. Grubb, or there is another doctor in Monroe if you need to get in fairly quick to see a physician. His name is Dr. Suarez, and he is a very good doctor, I was just too much of a mess for him to deal with…Or if you just need someone to talk to, don’t even hesitate to e-mail me or anything. I am more than happy to talk to you, don’t be shy! I certainly am not!!

And on that note, I am off for the day. Going to go apartment hunting *groan* and then going to dinner with my mom and sisters to see my aunt who is in town. Toodle-loo for now!

Geez oh Petes! Its been forever! My apologies!

Everything has been going pretty well for me lately. My meds have finally “sank in” I guess would be the best way to describe it. The side effects aren’t as bad as they were in the beginning, so that is definately a good thing. So, the physical stuff is okay, just now its the emotional stuff. Like the fact that I am apartment hunting and its just…UGH!! Enough to want to tear my hair out! *breathe*

I realized that I haven’t mention DYNA at all. Dumb me. Dysautonomic Youth Network of America (DYNA) is a great foundation for kids who have, you guessed it, Dysautonomia. I found out about them maybe three years ago from my doctor, and when he told me about them, I started crying because I was so happy to hear that there were kids out there my age who were going some of the same things I was going through. I have been to two of the get togethers, and have made a lot of great friends. The bonds I have with my DYNA friends is different than with my other friends because we share that special connection of having some of the same experiences, and its a great feeling. I love talking to everyone there whether they are my age, a six year old, or even a parent. Seriously, its like hearing your own life story repeated back to you because a lot of us have been through the same crap of doctors thinking we are faking it, our moms are making us sick to get attention, its all in our head, blah blah blah! I haven’t been as involved with the group as I used to be just because I have a lot of other stuff going on, but please, check it out. These people are amazing. www.dynakids.org

I promise I will be more frequent with my postings. If you keep reading, I will keep writing, deal? Also on a closing note, keep the family and friends of those killed at Virginia Tech in your prayers. Such a horrible, senseless thing to have happened…

Oh the battle royale! I don’t know what to do about my new meds, I am at a crossroads. CYMBALTA!! is supposed to do something with weight loss, and I am really liking that, but some of the side effects are kind of annoying. At work I was running around like Taz and just shaking and I had dry mouth…it was not very fun. And I was reading some other people’s experiences with the meds. I am not even kidding, I felt like I was reading about people who were getting over their drug addictions. Its scary! How the withdrawl symptoms are horrible and they didn’t even just quit cold turkey! I mean, not all of them were bad, but you know how the worst ones stick out the most. So, I don’t know? Am I willing to sacrifice my sanity and general well being for a few extra pounds. First thought would be yes. Ugh!! Stupid me. I don’t know. I am gonna give it a few more days and see if the symptoms taper off any. We shall see.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. I had dinner with my family, but since the meds curb my appetite, I didn’t eat very much. I also started to fall asleep at the table because it makes me tired. It was nice to see my family and eat grandma’s cooking *mmmmm* Just wish I wouldn’t have been so catatonic! Oh well, I can enjoy the leftovers now!!

More later I am sure…

I had to take my mom to the airport at 5:00 in the morning, and then be at work at 8:30. Needless to say this whole fun time morning experience did make for a happy go lucky day. I talked to my best friend Ski, who is stationed in Korea at the moment, online for a little bit and then tried to get some sleep for like fifteen minutes or so. Totally did not make me feel relaxed like I thought it would. So, my body clock or whatever was off for the rest of the day. I know that a lot of the people I have talked to with NCS or POTS say the same things about mornings, you just gotta do it at your own pace. I personally can’t just run out of bed, into the shower, and out the door. No, I have to take my time otherwise I will blow a gasket, don’t ask me why! Makes me wonder about when I actually have kids and have to go on THEIR schedule…oh what a fun adjustment that will be.

I also don’t appreciate the fact that when I look outside, in April, and see snow coming down. So not cool! I want it to be sunny and warm and all that good stuff. Makes me really want to go back to California, my home away from home. When I went to California like three times in 2005, I felt the best I had in a long time. I don’t know if it was because the weather is so constant and beautiful, or being in the place I love most, or being there with my best friends Ski and James. Maybe if I pretend I am in California it will be better. Just ignore me if you see me walking around in flip flops in the middle of the snow, I am daydreaming.

Its only 9:00, and I am very tired. Looks like an early night for me. So long!

There has to be things in life that make you happy, make you smile no matter what. For me, it is this…

Yes. The Monkees. My favorite band since forever! Through hospital stays, numerous testings, days staying home from school being stuck on the couch, the Monkees were on my tv. I don’t know why, but they just made me feel better with the songs, and their tv show. Who knows? But it works!!

So…there! Keep smiling! I gotta be up in a few hours to take my mom to the airport and THEN go to work. Goodnite ya’ll!!

I can’t seem to win can I? I woke up sick this morning, shaking, cold, just felt like crap. So I figured the best thing to do would be to not take the CYMBALTA!! and just take my Lexapro. Problem. My sister and I both ran out of our Lexapro, and the Pharmacy won’t fill mine up because it and the CYMBALTA!! are the same thing. So I have to wait till tomorrow to get more, well, actually my sister is getting them and I am gonna split the pills with her because I just need to be weened off them.

I just have a bad headache which is what I usually get if I don’t take the Lexapro, but also…man oh man, I am just down in the dumps. I don’t know if the weather is a factor too because its just really cold and gross out. I am crying now for some reason, just feeling depressed. I hate it. I hate being sad and depressed, but mostly I hate crying. Especially over nothing.

I hope tomorrow is better. I work in the morning since I called off for this afternoon. Until then…

It is now 5:25 am, and I am awake. I don’t like this. I looked at CYMBALTA!!! side effects online again to kinda do a checklist in my head, and sure enough, it causes sleepiness, and sleepLESSness. So that accounts for my being tired yesterday and probably has something to do with the fact that I am awake now…that and the fact that my dog was barking to be let outside.

I hope this mess doesn’t last for long. Like I said, I don’t want to backtrack and go back to when any slight change in medication will throw me for a loop. But for now, I am not feeling too hot, so I am gonna try and get back to get some more sleep before I have to get up and get ready for work.