Pacer Chick

*sigh*

Second night this week where I have woken up at around 3:00 in the morning feeling like I was gonna pass out at any moment. Pass out or pull a Linda Blair and projectile vomit if I were to even move the slightest inch. I sleep with four pillows, two regular size and two body size pillows. I put all of them under my feet last night to prop my feet up and try to get blood to my head so I didn’t black out. Falling asleep like that is OH so much fun, let me tell ya. But whatever works, right?

I then called my good friend who lives in Hawaii and told him how much I hated having this heart problem, because it was ticking me off. (I am sure I used much different language though, as you can imagine) I suppose that is the one good thing about being awake at 3:00 a.m., knowing that its 9:00 in Hawaii, so he will be up to help calm me down, and put me back to bed.

Apparently feeling this way has to do with alcohol in some way. I went out last night with my friends, and I had ONE drink. ONE. Next thing I know, I am ready to throw up in my bed. Now, I rarely drink, ask anyone who knows me. But occasionally, I like to go out and have a drink with my friends (I am over 21, its okay) Having another restriction placed on me because of heart condition TICKS ME OFF! I want to be able to do what I want, and I know I have to not think that way, especially when it comes to my health. But COME ON!

The whole sick thing lately also has to do with the fact that I have been on the go non stop, and today was my day off. Jessica slept in till about 11:00, laid on the couch, then came over to grandma’s. I feel a little bit stronger, minus the fact I think I am getting a cold…the fun never ends I tell ya.

Okay, I should get to bed. If you hear any loud noises around 3:00 in the morning…its probably me throwing a fit. Just a warning…

I saw today in the Monroe Evening News an article discussing suicide prevention.  And I think it is definitely a serious issue to consider, especially if you have an illness.

 I am not saying everyone who has ever been sick is automatically suicidal, but believe me it can be VERY hard to deal with everything that goes on. I remember when I was eight years old, I had suicidal thoughts, which I know is horrible to think about. But I wanted to share it because, it can be so hard for kids going through so much! I was being put on so many medicications, put through so many tests, been passed from doctor to doctor to psychiatrist, been told I was faking, that my mom was making it all up. Thinking back on it now, I am so amazed at myself and with my family because we fought hard and strong because we knew what was going on with me wasn’t imaginary.

Without my family by my side, I don’t know how I would have grown. I don’t know if I would be as strong as I am now. Whether it was my mom who was with me during my tests and who has seen me pass out the most, my dad who stayed the night with me in the hospital on some itsy bitsy little chair and helped me get to sleep when I couldn’t get comfortable in the hospital bed. Or my grandparents flying to Florida from Michigan the night they heard I was going to have a pacemaker implanted. I love them all dearly, and am so blessed to belong to all of them

Back to work now. Toodle loo buckaroos! I’ll try not to be so depressing next time.

Aha! An actual real life fainting incident has recently happened to me. I was at work, and got these really sharp chest pains right by my left arm pit. That of course threw my whole body out of whack, made me black out, get the chills, you name it!

I was gonna try to go back to work after eating something, but I was wiped out. So, I went home and crashed. Me and America’s Next Top Model made for a pleasant, if uneventful evening.

I have been meaning to share this website with everyone. I found it a few years back and, yes, it is depressing to look at it. But its also very empowering. Its called Heavenly Lights Memorial, and its for parents and other loved ones to set up memorial sites to the children in their lives that they have lost to cancer, leukemia, and other horrible illnesses. I know I know, already sounds depressing, but believe me, read the parent’s stories about their childrens courage. These 4 and 5 year olds have the wisdom and strength of somebody that has lived a life of 50 years, and it makes it so inspiring to read how these kids fought.

http://www.heavenlylights.homestead.com/

Until we meet again…

I was talking with a girl who e-mailed me who has NCS/POTS and we were talking about how we don’t like talking about what we have sometimes because it sounds like we are complaining. Well, I can have a sense of humor about this whole thing. I should for goodness sake, its been my life! So, I was trying to think of funny instances that I have gone through with NCS.

Let me think…oh yes! I have one that my mom and I still laugh about, although at the time I didn’t think it was very funny. My older sister had a play at her school, and I wasn’t feeling well. My mom assumed I was faking being sick so I wouldn’t have to go, so she made me get in the car and we went to the school. We were out in the car for like 20 minutes and she was yelling at me to get into the school. So we are watching the play, and during one scene, strobe lights start going off, and thats when Jessica lost it. I threw up all over the floor, the people in front of me and my mom had to carry me to the bathroom where she kept apologizing for making me go. I won’t let her live that one down!

I punched a kid in the stomach when he got in my way of getting to the bathroom when I was in 7th grade. I felt sick and tried to get to the bathroom as fast as I could, and when I made it, there was a line of girls waiting. I ended up passing out cold on the floor.

My co worker was talking to me about her brother who was passing out and asking me who he should see, what to do, etc. I proceeded to pass out right in front of her.

I think they are funny, they were serious at the time sure, but…gotta learn to laugh at yourself, right?

School was good today, but I got homework. I am off to do that!