Pacer Chick

I have mentioned before the foundation DYNA (Dysautonomic Youth Network of America) and I went on the website today just because I was bored. That sounds mean, but its true…ANYWAYS…I found this story I wrote when I was 17. We were told to write a brief little bio about ourselves and what we have gone through with dysautonomia, and here is mine…

I am ready to go to the chopping block. This weather is KILLING my head!! I was fine this morning, but its gone from raining, to warm, to not raining, back to raining and cold. Its really just driving me nuts!! And it kinda sucks because I had a really good day at school today and I would have liked for that to continue on to a good DAY.

Got to be in a group with the cute boy in my first class which definately was a great way to start off the day. Got to work in groups in the rest of my classes which is good because I like being able to talk to my fellow classmates instead of just sitting in class, taking notes, trying not to fall asleep. Only bad thing about the group work today was in one of my educational drama classes when we were playing a game called Freeze. One of the guys in my class pushed me and kept hitting me (playfully, not like beating the crap out of me…it was part of the improvisaion) Bad part was, he kept kinda hitting me on my pacemaker, I tried to keep it cool but it kinda hurt dude!! I didn’t want to bring it up in class in front of everyone though because then everyone will kind of avoid me because “they might hurt me.” Oh well…I’ll deal. If anyone really hurts me, I’ll just kick them really hard.

Alright, I am heading home now…time to chill out.

I am reading a book series right now called “Dear America” They are geared toward middle schoolers/high schoolers, but do I care? No. They are great books about children growing up during important events in history like World Wars I and II, slavery, and Titanic survivors. The one I am reading right now is about a girl who is dealing with the labor laws/child labor laws of the early 1900’s. I have always loved history, so these books are right up my alley!

I think about how it was “back in the day” when people were sick. I remember reading about a presidential first lady who would have fainting spells and her husband would put a napkin over her face to hide her embaressment. Back then, things like epilepsy and fainting were an embaressment, actually…any kind of illness was looked down upon. So, I think about what would happen if I put myself in some of the shoes of the girls in the books I am reading. I couldn’t handle what the girl in the story I am reading now is going through. Working everyday with only a half hour break for lunch, having to pay for your materials, getting docked money if you are late, or break something, and you don’t start out with much anyways. You have to work because your family needs money. I am just telling ya now…my family would have been kinda hungry because I doubt I could do all day, everyday. So, kudos to those girls who did that. I am rockin the feminism here, we are talking about feminism in class, so I am just throwing everything in this blog.

Anyone else got a headache? I have had a headache for the past 4 days, and we are talking like migraine headaches from this goofy weather change. I keep telling my mom, its for health reasons I need to live in California.

I was talking with my grandma today about surgery…don’t ask me why. I can’t remember how the subject came up. My second and last pacemaker surgeries happened without much fanfare, basically in and out. First one though, huge mess! The worst one though for me was my ablation surgery. I have vowed never to get another one of those ever again!

I actually woke up twice during the ablation surgery. The one time was when I think they were actually burning out the bad part and I pretty much felt then what it was like to have a heart attack. It was awful! I remember they gave me more anesthesia, but lo and behold, I woke up again! This time, I woke up when they were taking the wires out. The way an ablation works is they put wires in through your groin up to the heart. So I felt them removing both wires from my grown and…yeah. I am sure you can imagine that was NOT a fun feeling! Then for the next I think either 12 or 24 hours I couldn’t move my legs because the plugs where they stuck the leads in would come out, I would bleed a lot, huge mess, not my cup of tea. So, of course…I am tired, can’t move my legs…Jessica was NOT a happy camper. I was yelling at my mom, sister, nurses, whoever!

Did I gross you out? Hey…these things aren’t all fun sometimes, believe me! I have lived the highs and lows. I can tell you the funny little anecdotes, and I can tell you about a lot of the pain I have been through. But, I don’t feel the need to dwell on the bad, but I can throw in a depressing story every once and awhile.

Headache. Laundry. Bummer.

Grandma’s house. Yay!

A couple of days ago, I had to say goodbye to my best friend, and my “baby brother.” My dog Riley was really sick, so we had to put him to sleep. Ugh! I can’t even write about it without crying!

I remember everytime I came home sick from school, my mom or dad would stick him in my room and he would always know when I wasn’t feeling well, and he would come and lay with me. We had him for 13 years, and always made me feel better when I was sick or sad. I hated to see him sick, but I didn’t want to say goodbye to him. I started crying when I hugged him for the last time, and he was tired out, but he gave me a kiss, and it was just like he was telling me it was okay.

I prayed that same night and thanked God so much for blessing my family with the best dog ever. He had his own personality and was just the best ever. I know he is happy and healthy and running around doing fine and that he is gonna be with me always now, but still…Its just a comfort to me to think that when I am sleeping, my little “Bee” will be sleeping next to me.

So, this post is for him. He helped make my struggle easier, and I will love him always.

One of my favorite tv shows is “America’s Next Top Model” and whenever there is a marathon on, I am pretty much glued to my couch. After I watch it, I start walking like I am on a catwalk, I am FIERCE! <~~Tyra Banks word, not mine. Sadly, the new season is on Wednesday nights, which is when I work. Good news is that my mom has TiVo, so I can watch it the next day when I stop over her house after school. This glimpse into my life has a point, stay with me here…

There is a contestant on the show this season named Heather. She has been given the most attention out of all the girls because she has Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a form of autism. Right off the bat, the other girls are saying a lot of negative things about her! It really does tick me off that just because this one girl is different, automatically she should be shunned like she has the plague. Its amazing how people react when they don’t understand something. I know autism and dysautonomia are two separate issues, but they can both be looked at as “hidden illnesses” because you don’t see it in someone when you first meet them. I wish I was on that show just to hug her, and be there for her because it just makes being sick worse when you don’t have anyone on your side.

Sometimes I think I need to write an entertainment blog too man…we already have those on here though. I can incorporate my interests in here though too. And you better like it!! Just kidding…

Gotta finish watching the show…”Gossip Girl” on TiVo is next…ooh la la!