Two in one day!
I like the idea that I can think about my future and think about all the things I would love to do with my life. In the past, when I was growing up and having to deal with being sick, my dreams were what kept me going. I wanted to be a softball player (thanks Dad) and I wanted to be a movie star, I wanted to do all this, and I didn’t want to think in the back of my head IF I could. But, I realized that I do have limitations. As much as it sucks to really say it, I do. Growing up, I have realized that there are things that I can do, and somethings I just can’t. Why dwell on them though? So I will never be a professional softball player, no need to end my life.
I think that when it comes to dysautonomia, its better to look at your limitations as hurdles to overcome. Think about how great that is when you can overcome the odds! I shouldn’t ride roller coasters…well, I have been riding them since I can remember and they don’t affect me. I love riding them, and even if they did make me pass out, I am strapped in, so its all good.
People don’t know how to really define what normal is. THIS is normal to me. I don’t know whats its like to be completely healthy, this is what has been normal to me for twenty two years. I really do sympathize with those who are just getting diagnosed because they had lived “normally” for so long and now they have this huge weight thrust upon them. Its funny, I don’t really remember thinking my life drastically changed when I had my pacemaker implanted. Maybe I was too young to really comprehend what had happened, or maybe it was the fact that I was too sick to really contemplate any deep life thoughts.