Monroe Parenting

I am feeling pretty old this week. … On Monday, I enrolled Caitlyn in preschool. That’s right, starting at the end of August, Caitlyn will be trotting off to “school” with all the other kids her age. We’ve been debating on whether to enroll her or not for awhile, but I think it was the whole “crocie” incident that finally settled the question. It’s time she started making friends with real kids instead of talking to imaginary crocodile babies all the time. Not that there’s really anything wrong with that, but it does get strange looks when we’re out and about when she’s talking to thin air.

My mom called me this afternoon and said, “Okay, wise one. What should I tell Caitlyn? She wants to know why the Little Mermaid needs to wear a bra underwater…”

After I got over my initial “What kind of a question is that?”, I answered with the only thing I could come up with: “Tell her it’s so her boobies don’t float away.”

Yeah, now how smart am I?!

Crocies: Definition — A Caitlyn term used to describe “baby crocodiles that never grow up.” Apparently, they also can be trained as pets and need to be fed with a baby bottle, walked on a leash, and placed in a locked cage with a bed at night. They also need to have name so that they will come to you when you call them and whistle.  Oh, and did I mention that they’re imaginary??

Me and Baby Victoria.

Isn’t she beautiful?!

Caitlyn is thrilled about her new baby girl cousin. … She is so happy to have another little girl to play with that she won’t stop talking about her. Of course, this also has lead to numerous questions about all kinds of topics I’m not ready to tackle yet such as:

• “Mom, why can’t I have a baby sister?”
• “When can Keegan get a brother?”
• and, most horrifically, “Where do babies come from??”

Why does a 3-year-old need to know where babies come from?! She told me that “Aunt Heather had her tummy cut open and they just took that baby right out.” Okay, well, that’s true. I mean, she did have a c-section. But then Caitlyn asked me if that’s how she was born, too. … can you feel the sweat pouring off of me in that moment? I swear I could hear Dave burst out laughing in the next room.

“Keep it up, Chuckles” I yelled to him, “and I’ll send her in there to let YOU answer that one!!”

Caitlyn asked me the other day in the car where babies come from and I answered: “Oh, look honey! We’re at Grandma’s house! Are you ready to go in and play?!”

She looked at me for a second before saying, “Okay, but Moooooooooooooom, where do those babies come from? How do they get out of the tummy?”

I can’t remember what I answered then, but when she asked me again the other night where she came from I knew I had to pony up an answer. She calls her private bits and pieces her “nonni” so I told her she came out of mommy’s. I didn’t know what else to tell her! Dave tells me I just opened a huge can of worms, but I figured she needed some sort of truthful answer, and at least she didn’t ask how the babies got in there in the first place!!!!

My newest niece, Victoria Marie, was born around 1 p.m. today to my brother and his wife. Weighing in at 7 lbs., 14.2 oz., she was 20 inches long and just beautiful!

If you’re looking for a fun snack to make with the kids, there’s nothing easier than my version of caramel corn. Sure, everyone likes regular, plain ol’ popcorn with salt and butter, but why not jazz it up a bit?

For my recipe, I started by popping my corn on the stove in a heavy pan with a glass lid. Add a little oil, drop in the kernels, heat it up and shake, shake shake ’til it’s all white and puffy. (But be careful when dumping it in the bowl that a stray kernel doesn’t pop out and get you in the eye! You may think that can’t happen, but I remember my brother with a black eye when we were little because of that exact reason!)

Then, I just heated up some regular store bought ice cream caramel in the microwave and poured it over the popcorn. Toss in a few handfuls of M&Ms, stir it all together and then spread it out on wax-paper covered cookie sheets and pop them in the frig for about an hour or so. This gives the caramel a chance to harden and not be so sticky.

When we were ready for family movie night, I just took the popcorn out of the frig and dumped it all into a big bowl. Although it was fine for Dave and I to eat with our fingers, we gave the kids spoons so they wouldn’t wipe their fingers all over the place.

Mmmmmmmmmmm, that was some good popcorn!! I almost wish I had taken a picture of it!

So this is what it’s come down to — I’ve given my kids nicknames based on their lack of control over their bodily functions. Sheesh.

The other day was rough. After getting ready to change Keegan’s clothes for the third time in one day, he stood next to the tub, grinning at me like he did something fantastic. Caitlyn kept running in and out of the bathroom, shrieking that “Baby Buttcheeks was on the loose,” and I was frantically looking for something to dress the boy in after his bath. It was in that moment that I dubbed Keegan as “Captain Peebottoms.” He giggled like crazy at that name and I thought it rather appropriate since half the time his bottom is soggy. …

And sad to say, that even though Caitlyn is potty trained, she does have moments where she is too busy playing to tell us she needs the potty or to just get up and use it herself. Sometimes we’ll spot her hiding in a corner holding her bottom; other times she will be squinched up on the floor, still trying to play with her dollies.

Anyway, only a few hours after Keegan’s last accident, Caitlyn didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and it was messy. I was so frustrated with them both at that point there was only one thing I could do — lighten the mood. And thus, the adventures of “Captain Peebottoms and Princess Poopy Panties” was born! They’re like super heroes, only with super powers that no one in their right mind really wants!

Caitlyn has quite the active imagination. She has a whole slew of imaginary friends, and each one has a name (that she NEVER forgets), a personality, age and car — and even their cars have names (but don’t ask me why)!

Let’s see …..there’s Belli, Blackie, Slidie and — her favorite — Causry. She talks to them at restaurants, yells at me when I “bump” them on the stairs, and plays games with them in the car. On occasion, she will even call them silly or do their voices if I ask her a question about them. Causry is the ringleader and has even surpassed former favorite “Hava.”

We haven’t heard from Hava in a while, so last night at dinner we asked Caitlyn where her buddy has been. She looked at me across the table, put on a serious face and said “Hava is dead.”

WHAT?!!! Totally was not expecting to hear that out of her mouth!! Here’s what she had to say about what “happened” to Hava:

“She was not holding onto her mommy’s hand and she was in the street and shaking and a truck came along and hit her. … Now she’s in Heaven.”

I didn’t know whether to be freaked out by all this or bust out laughing by how matter-of-fact she was about the whole thing. It was just the most random, bizarre thing ever……..

I think I had better keep a close eye on the rest of her imaginary buddies. No telling what she has in store for the rest of them!

I wasn’t sure if I was going to vote yesterday, but then decided at the last minute, “Why not”? I took the chitlins with me so they could see what was going on and I could explain to them what mommy was doing. Thankfully, the building was pretty empty so that I could breeze through with my stroller, complete with Caitlyn grasping the side, and fill out my paper.

Caitlyn then carried the ballot for me over to the voting area — and she felt very important doing so! I darkened my circle, just about knocked the stand over with the wheels of the stroller and then went to feed my ballot into the machine. Only thing was, the machine didn’t want to take it because when the lady ripped the number off the top, she also took a corner of the ballot with her so the machine kept spitting it out. After finally flipping the ballot over and feeding it through the other side, it sucked it right in as the kids gazed at it with wonder and said “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.”

The fun didn’t stop there, though. The lady then asked my “girls” if they would like voting stickers, to which Caitlyn stubbornly replied, “He’s my BROTHER!!!” An easy mistake I suppose since my boy was carrying a blue blanket snuggled around his Red Wings jacket and short haircut. But both kids slapped their stickers on their shirts and Caitlyn proudly displayed her’s to Dave when he got home and told him “I voted today!”