Definitely Not L.A.

Ant Buster, this week’s most useless use of your time that isn’t putting clothes on this buck naked squirrel.  And then there’s this.

The day the KISS solo records came out in 1978, I cajoled my mother into a trip to Korvette’s up on Fort Street to buy all four for the low low price of $3.99 a pop.

Within five minutes of our return home, I had the Gene Simmons disc cued up and started to put together the parts of the giant poster (one piece in each disc, natch) while blasting “Radioactive.”  (”She’s radioactive, she’s very selective, she’s what I need, she’s so pretty indeed, I’ve gotta make her mine.”)  Thrilled I recall that, yep uh huh.

Life was good.  Simple, even. 

This week I’ve been trying to pre-order a couple of forthcoming releases–Springsteen’s live Sessions Band package and Easy Tiger, the Ryan Adams disc I mentioned here the other day.  Amazon’s got ‘em, of course, but there’s paying for accelerated shipping on top of the sale prices to get them in hand within a week of release.  AND there’s no “bonus content”–other sites got extra tracks, videos, pre-release streams, bonus autographed vinyl to the first 100 pre-orders, and a hot stone massage by Clarence Clemons if you’re really lucky.

And now I’ve received an e-mail telling me that if I pre-order through iTunes I’ll have first crack at concert tickets this FALL.  (That’s for Ryan Adams, not Springsteen, although it’s looking likelier and likelier that Bruce’ll be on the road by Sep-Oct.) 

It’s madness, I say.  When did it all become so complicated to be a fan and want to buy a record?  With sales tanking and shady to illegal methodologies booming, I know they’re trying to sweeten the pot for those of us still paying money for hard copy, but this is nuts.  If you’ve got “extra” tracks in the can, don’t make me jump through hoops to get them.  And, like most DVD outtakes, if they’re good enough to use as a value-add, why didn’t they make the record in the first place?

I’ll more than likely wind up getting myself to a Borders to buy the retail versions, like I usually do, but I’m moving, or being pulled, closer to caving and going all-digital for my music needs.  Sigh. 

Anyone got a month or so to spare to load an iPod for me?

Gotta love YouTube–saw this last night after the Pistons game and almost laughed hard enough to make me forget the final score.

(Well, Friday, anyway, as I head to Nashville for a benefit show by one of the greatest live bands of all time.)  To tide you over, here’s a Top 5 Hair Metal song list from Ryan Adams, who’s making his return to these parts on June 20th with a show at the Gem on the cusp of his new record’s release on June 26th.

1. Kix – “Don’t Close Your Eyes”
2. Slaughter – “Fly To The Angels”
3. Dokken – “Dream Warriors” (From the Nightmare on Elm Street III Motion Picture Soundtrack)
4. “Vinne Vincent Invsion [sic] (With Mark Slaughter of Slaughter on Vocals) – “Love Kills”
5. Ozzy Osbourne – “Over The Mountain”

As this is not my area of expertise, I have nothing to offer to contradict Ryan’s picks.  I do think that one Poison song’s real catchy.

A parsec late after the big 30th anniversary, but check out the Wookieepedia, Greedo’s favorite site on the internets. 

Tempting to headline this link to the kicky new tune from the forthcoming New Pornographers record with pun-ditry to trigger salacious Google Ads?  Yes! Wimping out again?  Yes!

In honor of our blogsmonroe bud Jim turning golden oldie:

When Joey gets to the “Burnsie” part, shout “Jim-my!” at your monitor like I did, okay? Thanks. I guess this is the cyber equivalent of a plywood “Jim’s 50! A honk’d be nifty!” sign in his front yard. Which I’ve also done to mark the occasion, of course.

Personal aside to Jim: as they formed in 1974, the band in the video may be unfamiliar to you. They’re called The Ramones. They’s good.

Best Myspace Music entry ever:

We decided that our influences would mostly consist of the following (but not limited to) genres…. Rock, Classic Rock, Hard Rock, Alternative Rock, Alternative Hard Rock, 70’s Rock, 80’s Rock, Pop Rock, C— Rock, C— Block Rock, Sock Rock, Jock Rock, Shock Rock, Smock Rock, Slop Rock, Blues Rock, Afghani Rock, Punk Rock, Junk Rock, Junkie Rock, Pot Rock, Head Rock, Psychedelic Rock, Polka, Hungarian Polka, Jewish Polka, Yugoslavian Polka, Japanese Polka, Buddhist Monk Polka, Blues, Delta Blues, Mississippi Blues, Montana Blues, Georgia Blues, Jamaican Blues, Alaskan Wood Blues, Eskimo Blues, Alaskan Salmon Blues, A Large School of Blues, Funk, Sleaze Funk, Sleaze, Death Funk, Slow Death Funk, Screamo Funk, Real Funky Funk, Touchy Feely Funk, Fuzzy Funk, and Some Freaky Fried Funk, Smoke Funk, Smoked Skunk, Raw Eal, Some Tomatoes, Jazz, Smooth Jazz, Self Indulgent Jazz, Jazz That Nobody Else Likes, Jazz That Some People Like, Hard Jazz, Elevator Jazz, Snazz Jazz, Lounge Jazz, Punk Jazz, Rock Jazz, Snatch Jazz, Reggae, Gay Ray, Canadian Reggae, Post Core Reggae, Post Modern Futuristic Space Reggae, Austrian Trance Music, Black Metal, Bloody Metal, Old Metal, Chopped Flesh Metal, Chopped Alaskan Salmon Metal, Zimbabwe Tribal Music, Zulu, Egyptian Blue Grass, Flamenco, Subteranian Flamenco, Phlem, Flam, Flan, Flimbly Wimbly, Ooga, Stooga, Bogabogabogaboga, Indie, Low Budget Indie, Recording Sounds Like S— Indie, The Kind of Indie Where One Dude in the Band is Good and Everybody Else Sucks, The Kind of Indie Where Everybody Except One Dude is Good, Scene Haircut Indie, Gore Rock, Gore Indie Rock, Bad Gore Indie Rock, Gory Rock that is Really Bad, Singer Songwriter Indie, The Kind of Indie that Only People with Really Thick Glasses Like, The Kind of Indie I Slit My Wrists To, Winy Indie, Wimpy Indie, Winy Gay Indie, Indie Music that Women Love, Power Ballad Pop Rock, Power Pop, Bubblegum Pop, Power Punk Pop, 80’s Guitar Pop, Japanese Guitar Pop, Japanese Power Ballad Pop RockCore, Madagascan Popper, Tuscany Pop, Sickle Rock, Mariachi Slow Drive Post Apocalyptic Bagpipe Sleaze Techno. Dig It. yours truly, www.myspace.com/prestonswift

(Yeah, I put the dashes in the words that go to the bad places.)

New White Stripes video’s up at AOL Music. 

Not that anyone I work with is capable of such things, but here’s a funny site devoted to found passive-aggressive notes.