Behind the Headlines

From: www.mcsweeneys.net
BY BENJAMIN SUMLIN
- - - - * Texas shows up to the party already drunk with the girlfriend nobody likes.
* Texas partied too late, asks to copy homework.
* Texas asks if it would be “cool to hook up with your ex.”
* Texas has a habit of spending more time than needed in the bathroom.
* Texas bogarts the remote just before Lost.
* Texas demonstrates little respect for “personal space.”
* Texas finds and eats the little snack cakes you’ve been hiding in the back of the pantry.
* Texas needs you to cover rent “just until I get back on my feet, man, I swear.”
* Texas brings up an anecdote about his recent colonoscopy.

I came across this while investigating potentially awkward situations for a story I’m working on. I’ve been a longtime fan of McSweeneys. When I saw this I just had to share it.