Behind the Headlines

“People die there!” said one person.

“I know, that’s why they’re always hiring,” responded another.

(Wow, it’s been awhile…)

“Eww. Hillary Clinton just said I touched her heart,” said one person, looking at an incoming email.

“You don’t happen to be a rock collector, do you?” responded another.

Wah wah wah.

Overheard:”What kind of story would I have to write in order to use the headline ‘Maybe the Dingell Ate Your Baby’? I’ve been dying to come up with something.”

“What on earth is that?”

“It’s… some kind of Grinch.”

“It’s like a Planet of the Apes Grinch.”

“That’s exactly it. I was trying to figure out what it was, but that’s the perfect description.”

“Yeah, well, either way, it’s creepy.”

By Stephanie Ariganello; stephaniea@monroenews.com

As I’m writing a story right now about the State of the Communities breakfast - hosted by the Monroe County Chamber of Commerce this morning - I keep thinking back to the conversation that was floating around at the table I chose as I was sitting down.

One of the women was telling a story about a wedding where the mother of the groom objected to the union during the ceremony. First someone asked if she was serious about it. Apparently she was.

Secondly the other women wondered what the marrying pastor/priest did - did he proceed? Surely they must have training for that, someone suggested. He reportedly just continued with the ceremony as though she had not said anything.

But it raised the question - do those doing the marrying still offer the option to object? I didn’t hear the whole thing, but thought she said that it wasn’t offered, that the priest or whoever, never said object now or forever hold your peace. Has this been taken out of the wedding ceremony? Have you ever been to a wedding where someone objected? Who was it, and what did they do?

Where did that come from in the first place?

“I have many talents; knowing where I’m going is not one of them.”

Hmm - literally or figuratively?

“Yeah, well you know what you smell like? You smell like stupid,” said one reporter.

What does stupid smell like? Submit your answers for a wonderful prize.

(By the way, I could try to present this in the context it was said, but I just don’t think that would give it justice. And, in case you were wondering, the person to whom it was said laughed harder than I’ve seen him laugh probably ever.)

There’s gold in them thar mouths. People must be jazzed up for turkey and time off; it seems like everyone is talking about something interesting or presenting it in an interesting way. Here’s a snippet:

“So, *Person* what do you think? Is Marie a little bit country a little bit rock and roll?”
“I think she’s a little bit fat and a little bit too old to be dancing,” responded the person who was queried, known for honesty.

From that same corner:
“… ever since Jerry Springer went off the air, I can’t watch it, it’s not the same,” said one person about a different television show.
“Yeah, I do the Jerry chant at home,” responded another person jokingly. Although, I like to think that this person just sits at home and ocassionally starts chanting to bolster her spirits and tried to make a joke of it at work while thinking, finally, I can share this oddity with the world.

“Well, whether the cat bursts into flames or not, the end result is the same - the house burns down,” said one reporter. “That’s not relevant. It’s the same outcome either way.”

By Stephanie Ariganello
stephaniea@monroenews.com

“No one in my family ever dies,” said one sports reporter. “No matter how old they get.”
Should we be protecting ourselves with crosses and garlic?

On the other side of the newsroom:
“I have a Crow and a Wolf for the letters (section) tomorrow,” said one person.
I wonder what they have to say. Caw? Maybe one is badmouthing (beaking?) the other.

(Not overheard in the newsroom: “Come on someone, say something funny and newsrelated.”

(Art from www.artscoritani.com)

By Stephanie Ariganello; stephaniea@monroenews.com

“It’s like giving light sabers to a group of chimps,” said someone in passing.

(Subsequently they went on to say: “Is it chimps or chumps? It’s only the difference of U and I…”)

Addendum: A quick search for chimps with lightsabers on google images turned up this pic.

By Stephanie Ariganello;
stephaniea@monroenews.com

Not a direct quote, since that wouldn’t really make any sense… but, the conversation went something like this:

Someone suggested that we write a progressive novel blog. (Mention of different titiles, many not fit to print.)

“We could call it Custer’s One-Night Stand.”

“… And I hate clowns,” said one person. “You know what the worst is though? When they come up to you in a crowd.”

“Yeah, that should be considered a hate crime,” said another. “I hate mimes.”

Farewell Marcel Marceau.

“Yeah, later one of the old timers said ‘I’ll give you the rest of my beer if you sit on my lap,’” said one reporter.
Someone walking by, with head swivel: “Now that should go on overheard in the newsroom.”
“I told him no thanks, if I want a can, I’ll just spend the dollar myself,” finished the reporter.

“Listen here, Crack Pipe. Obviously you didn’t and you can’t use Piggy McGee because I’ve already used Piggy McGee.”

I’m not entirely sure what this was about. Though, I think Piggy McGee was in reference to a photo of a farmer washing his pig.